While wiping tears from my eyes I decided I would take my mother’s advice. I opened up my Bible started reading and instantly the depression that had me down left.
Recently I found myself battling depression. There were many thoughts that came to mind to answer the question of why was I feeling this way, but I settled on the fact that I felt bad for being content. At the time being content was the equivalent of being lazy to me. Most people my age are looking into big investments, looking to further their career, starting a business, etc. None of those things peaked my interest.
Seeing how I have not accomplished anything worth bragging about, I felt maybe I was content because my time on Earth was almost up. My father passed in his 30’s and I always felt somehow that would be my fate.
I even began trying to push my wife away. In my eyes she deserved someone who’s still fighting to achieve something not someone who’s content with his life. Instead of turning her back on me she made it clear that she was staying by my side until WE figured out what was going on with me.
While in therapy I mentioned how I bought cars as a temporary fix any time I felt down. I’ve literally driven 12 cars off the lot in 10 years. As I took time to really think about why I continually do something I know is very financially irresponsible, I realized it provided a source of struggle for me.
I know that sounds crazy, but hear me out. Making dumb financial commitments made me feel better about what I feel has been a very easy life. I worked hard to get and keep my job but seeing others work just as hard or harder and struggle to provide for their family has always bothered me. The cars and the negative equity I carry over provided me some sort of struggle even if it was artificial since I could simply let a car get repossessed if I really needed money. As of right now, I could let 2 cars get repossessed and still have 2 cars left.
There aren’t many arguments against Christianity that I haven’t heard or that I haven’t made myself, but I know reading my Bible pulled me out of what felt like was going to be a lifelong state of depression. At one point my depression was making me physically ill and my therapist wanted to prescribe medicine. This fact makes the quickness at which the feeling left all the more amazing.
If it wasn’t for my depression I would not have started reading my Bible daily which is something I realized I genuinely like doing. That is why I am thankful for my recent state of depression.