Hey Dad,

The first  words took me forever because I’m not sure how you wanted me to address you

You were taken so soon that it’s as if I never met you;

For years your death never came to my mind

But lately it seems to be the main thing i think about;

I created a website and I send emails to my kids

Becasue they remind me of things I wish you did;

The trip is this has caused some mental stress that seems irreversible

Sometimes things that make you smile can also hurt you;

Living a life based on the belief that I may die in years has been controlling my life

It’s even led to me going days doing nothing but fighting with my wife;

I went to a therapist to explain all of this

When I mentioned you she looked at me like that can’t be it;

Someone close to me even said I didn’t know you so why am I so caught up with your death

As much as it hurts, knowing they were right made me wish even more you were here;

Now I  have bouts of crying because my life lacks direction

Instead of trying to accomplish a bunch of things I’ve gone in another direction;

My focus has become simply being a good person who is not out to achieve much

Im actually good with that till family and friends start highlighting their achievements;

Then I get to thinking I’m a failure and I’ve accomplished nothing

My thoughts of an early death have really started something;

Im not sure how long this rollercoaster ride dealing with my feelings will last

But I need help Dad please give me a sign.